


What Happens to Goodbye?

by misakikinomoto



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Analysis, Gen, M/M, Meta, Seperation Anxiety?, Vague Dean/Cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-24
Updated: 2013-02-24
Packaged: 2017-12-03 11:12:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/697635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misakikinomoto/pseuds/misakikinomoto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"The trouble with a kitten is that it eventually becomes a cat.'-Ogden Nash</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Happens to Goodbye?

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a fic for the spn_bigpretzel comm here on LJ, and it ended up kind of angsty, in a way. Meaning Dean angsting his way through roughly 2-3 seasons. Vaguely. You tell me. The summary was once of the prompts and i went angst-crazy one it. Dammit. Why can I never write happy, non-angst fics properly?

_  
_

_"The trouble with a kitten is that it eventually becomes a cat.' Ogden Nash_

_\---_

Dean’s always had a problem.

It started when he carried baby Sammy out of their burning house, and sort of, kind of never ended.

Dean has a tendency to….. _cling_ to the men in his life. He’s never had many women in his life. At least, not many that stayed. Ellen and Jo don’t count, because Dean spent a lot of his life forgetting Ellen was a woman and not a father about to shoot him in the balls, and by proxy, Jo became something like an asexual being.

Not that he’d ever admit to it.

Perfect example is Sam. Sam is Dean’s entire life. Dean has _died_ for the kid, and would again, if it meant Sammy being alive.

(Dean forgets sometimes that by dying, he left his little brother- who would die for him- alone in a world that he had never been alone in.)

Then there’s Bobby. John may have been Dean’s biological father, but Bobby was his father in a way that was stronger than blood. Wherever in the United States of America Dean was, he knew he had a place to call home that wasn’t the back seat of his Impala. He had someone who cared about him an would call him out on his stupidity that would not involve little brother bitch-faces.

(Dean’s important to Bobby too. He doesn’t realize it, but after all his closest friends died- Mary, John, Ellen, Rufus- Bobby was having a hard time dealing with being alive. Survivor’s guilt. Dean gives him a reason to stay alive, people to stay alive for.)

The trouble, Dean realizes, is that everyone he takes care of (instinctively, Dean is a mother hen, and don’t let him tell you otherwise) tends to die or grow up. Sure, that’s normal in the non-hunting world too. But that’s a whole different dying and growing up.

Once they grow up, people leave. Sam, John. Cas.

Dean really doesn’t want Cas to leave.

The dude’s already died several times for him, is ready to die again for him, and the feeling is mutual.

Dean’s not too sure when Cas became something more though.

Cas and Dean had started off as “friend-because-we’re-allies-and-you-pulled-me-from-hell”.

And then they became “friends”, and in the period between Lucifer’s rise and Stull, their relationship had moved to “best friends” territory with ease that frankly frightened Dean.

Dean had always considered it his job, his divine duty (ha.) to teach Cas the ways of human kind (because really, who take the guy they lo-are very good friends with to the brothel?).

Dean actually liked teaching Cas. He felt…useful. Needed.

And then Cas left him. Tricked him, betrayed him, yes, but he still misses him.

Cas has gone.

And Dean’s got a lot of problems.

But Cas seems to have grown up and left the nest like everybody else.

And Dean never managed to stop him from falling.

And it’s all Dean’s fault.

\---

_"The trouble with a kitten is that it eventually becomes a cat.' Ogden Nash_

\---

Dean’s out of Purgatory now.

He has Benny to keep him sane, to remind him of his Hunter instincts.

Benny never tells him to trust him.

Because they both know that should it come down to it, they will kill each other.

But Dean knows that Benny sticks to his word.

Which is more than he can say for Cas.

Cas. Sweet, blue eyed, broken, Cas.

He was going to save the world. But destroyed himself.

Dean had set off to save Cas.

But had ended up becoming a self-destructing bomb, ready to blow at any moment.

Nothing Benny, Sam or Bobby did could change that.

Because Cas was different.

Cas was family and not-family.

Cas was everything.

And somewhere in a small house, God looked away from his computer screen, stopped typing his manuscript and sighed.

They always grew up so fast.

\---

_"The trouble with a kitten is that it eventually becomes a cat.' Ogden Nash_


End file.
